Kama Mbaya, Mbaya! (If We're Going Off the Rails, Let's Do It Properly!)

Dear Body,

It's your birthday today—exactly one year before you turn 50—and guess what? You haven't changed much.

Do you remember the silent promise you made at P's 40th birthday? The one where you swore you would be much lighter by the time you turned 50? Well, I hate to break it to you, girl, but you have gone in precisely the opposite direction. You are now more than five kilos heavier than you were when you made that commitment.

Still, I must give credit where it is due. On the exercise front, you have definitely improved. You are fitter, stronger, and move far more than you did at 40. So, kudos! We may not be lighter yet, but at least we are no longer completely offended by movement.

Now, 50 is officially around the corner, and we need to get serious about this goal. The good news is that we have 12 whole months. The not-so-good news is that, as I write this, you are eating a very delicious slice of tiramisu cake and preparing to wash it down with copious amounts of wine—all in the name of celebrating your birthday.

Next week isn't looking particularly promising either. There will be three days in Naivasha, buffet after buffet, weekend bashes, and the full-on action of 213, Ozone, and other joints of debauchery.

Let's just admit it: the next two weeks will not be our grand return to fitness. There will be no detox, dramatic transformation, or miraculous reappearance of discipline.

So, kama mbaya, mbaya!

As the saying goes, if you must eat a frog, eat the biggest one first. And knowing you, you will probably eat the frog, order dessert, and ask whether there is any tiramisu left.

Enjoy yourself. I'll see you in two weeks, when you're back in your normal environment and can finally settle into a decent routine.

Good luck. We are clearly going to need it.

Yours—with cautious optimism,

Me